I have to keep reminding myself that every day I begin all over again. Zen masters call this "beginners mind."
So after a self imposed retirement from music of 10 years (coincidentally, the length of my marriage), having sold all my keyboard and other various equipment prior to moving to New Mexico, I find myself with just a guitar and a longing to feed my soul again.
Officially, I've been playing guitar *seriously* for 3 months (again, coincidentally, the length of time I've been on my own again). I'm outside practicing and a neighbor comes by after hearing me practice (not a small feat in a rural area - you really have to go out of your way to "come by") and offers me a paying gig for an artist reception she's having at her gallery in September.
What do you think I said?
Then, a couple of days later, the musical director at the Unity service where I go asked If I'd like to fill in for her when she needs a Sunday off. I said - "Sure, when you think I'm ready." She said "You're ready".
So now I have even more reason to capitalize on my obsessive compulsive practice schedule -- so I don't embarrass myself too terribly within the next couple of months.
It really is like starting all over again. Although I've played countless gigs (primarily as a lead vocalist, and filling in with some keyboards), all over NYC for many years, I feel like a complete novice. New instrument, new material, and a major hit to my confidence (which used to be unshakable) due to the sad course of my relationship.
Needless to say, if I'm going to be standing in front of people again warbling, then I need to look my best. This has definitely influenced my cooking. Back to simple salads and staying off of sugar as best as I can (I did make some delicious strawberry/lime sorbet last night - it was so hot in the house and I really needed something cold).
So here come the salad days of summer...